Wednesday Check-In

I haven't felt much like checking in lately, especially since I've just been maintaining, but I thought I'd at least document the journey that I've been on the past month or so. I'm still about 45 pounds to goal (down 36 from my starting point), but I'm thrilled that I haven't been gaining.

I've been on a big reading binge this summer. First I started with Good Calories, Bad Calories, which led me to The Omnivore's Dilemma, followed by In Defense of Food, Nourishing Traditions, The Maker's Diet, and Wild Fermentation. Next up is Animal, Vegetable, Miracle--I can't wait.

I've been spending a lot of time reading and researching, and I've recently been experimenting with a lot of recipes which, for me, is a Very Big Deal. I feel proud that the food that I'm feeding my family at home has no chemicals or preservatives--not even a single ingredient that I can't pronounce or purchase myself at the co-op.

We haven't had fast food since the end of June, except for one stop on the way to Duluth--it used to be every day, sometimes even twice a day for me. I can't remember the last time I felt guilty about what I was handing my kids to eat--which is saying a lot since it used to be several times a day that I'd beat myself up for feeding them so much crap.

I've been able to stop my sugar binging and have found that even if I slip and go a little crazy at an event away from home, I've been able to get right back on the wagon with my food at home.

I've stayed firm in my resolve to avoid relying on running to lose weight. I want to get solid in my food and add running later when I feel like it--not because I have to. I've been walking the dog each day now that it's cooler just to get out and connect with nature--cheesy, I know, but totally awesome. I'd been feeling depressed for a few weeks and one day when I took the dog down by the river, I realized it was because I was missing that connection (with the outdoors and with myself) that I had previously gotten by running. Now I try to get out with the dog, by myself if possible, at least once a day. I discovered I have a craving to walk on the grass--not just a cement sidewalk or asphalt path--so I've been making sure to get down by the river where I can indulge myself that way. It has been making a huge difference (along with the food) in my mood and my outlook.

Now that I'm feeling steady with the quality of my food, I feel ready to move forward and work with the quantity of it. For the next week, I'm going to commit to myself that I will not eat after 7:30 p.m., and I won't snack between meals.

Wednesday Check-In

I am up a couple of pounds this week.

I'm almost 2 days sugar-free again. It took every ounce of strength I had to keep from driving straight from class tonight to the grocery store to buy cake and a pint of B & J's to eat in the car.

I've been on a sugar binge since Thursday of last week. I remember the exact moment that I made the conscious decision to "fall off the wagon" again. I've been trying to convince myself that I can make "it" work if the only sugar I eat is in the blondies and cookies from Great Harvest (since, after all, they're kind of "healthy"...), but I've been fooling myself, I know, because it can never be limited to "just this" or "just that."

If I can make it a couple more days, I'll be okay again and I'll be back to not caring about sugar. I am particularly interested in getting back on the wagon now because Snacks starts kindergarten in two weeks and I want to be in total control of my crazy emotions (and therefore the rest of my life) when I have to deal with my little guy going to school full days five days a week. We have the State Fair next week and a family vacation the following week that are going to present definite challenges for me.

The good news is, I've done this enough to know that I will get back on track. I know how my slips start, I know what they lead to, and I'm able to get back on track more quickly and without as much weight gain as in the past.

The awareness is priceless.

Wednesday Check-In

I completely forgot about my check-in this week until I got home tonight and saw Jen's email check-in in my inbox. Ooops!

The good news is, I'm keeping pace with my plan to lose a pound a week. That has been very manageable for me. I'm back to weighing myself every morning after trying for a week without. I find it makes a big difference for me.

I've been beating back the sugar beast again this week, but hopefully have that back under control. I'm finding that I have very little interest in food at all (which for me is HUGE) when I'm not eating sugar--food becomes something that I have to remind myself that I need to eat. It is wonderful and freeing.

I've been reading The Omnivore's Dilemma this week--another book that has totally turned my world upside down. I went on a field trip to our local co-op tonight BY MYSELF so I could actually take my time and read labels and farm bios. It was an awesome experience. I have a lot homework to do to try to switch as much of our weekly grocery shopping as possible from Wh*le Foods & Trader J*e's to the co-op. I'm excited!

Wednesday Check-In

Not surprisingly, whenever I have a Wednesday where I've gained, I have ZERO DESIRE to check in. But I'm forcing myself to do it tonight--if only because I knew Jen will check (hi, jen).

I'm beating my sugar addiction and had lots of successes this week, unfortunately part of beating the sugar cravings included eating a lot of fruit and eating several tons of cheese...which, of course, showed on the scale.

This next week (and I already started today), I'm working on the following:

Curbing my new cheese-instead-of-sugar habit

Getting away from eating at night (where did that come from this week???)

Getting back on the scale every day (the once a week thing didn't pan out as I had hoped)

Walking or running more--not so I can eat more or lose more, but because I am tired of feeling my muscles atrophying and I've been having trouble sleeping, which sucks on many levels

Wednesday Check-In

I am up several pounds since my last check-in two weeks ago. I'm bummed, but I'm not freaking out. I've mostly been maintaining for the past several months--losing and gaining the same few pounds. While I wish I were dropping pounds, I'm grateful that I haven't been watching the numbers continue to climb. I feel pretty good that I have been able to easily maintain a weight loss of almost 40 pounds for almost two years.

I've been doing some "soul searching" in the weight loss department these past few weeks. I've wondered if I would just be happy maintaining this weight, and I've decided that, no, I won't be happy long-term this way.

Even though I can wear clothes in a size that doesn't horrify me from regular stores like Gap, or Ralph Lauren, or whatever, I would like to feel more comfortable in pants and wear skirts and sun dresses without looking like I am wearing a tent. I want to feel pretty and flirty and not always be tugging at the front of my t-shirt to make sure I feel covered in all the important places.

I recently realized that my expectations of myself were unrealistic and that I have been setting myself up for failure. Because I was losing 3-5 pounds a week while eating McDonalds and drinking pop when I was running and nursing, I wanted to keep that up, even after Sissy stopped nursing and I was unable to run because of an injury. I was frustrated with myself because I wasn't losing at that rate, even though I know it's not healthy to lose weight that fast on a consistent basis, and that I would be less likely to keep it off if I was successful at that rate.

SO, my new goal is to lose ONE pound per week for the next year, which will get me to my goal weight by July 23rd of 2009.

I will do this by continuing to strive for healthier eating, as I have been for the past several months.

Right now "mini meals" are working wonders for me psychologically to keep me away from the drive-thru. It has been almost a month since I've had McDonald's or other fast food. I don't miss it or my pop at all.

I've discovered that if I eat a sugary treat, it will likely not be limited to just that one. It will likely lead to sugar bingeing that lasts days or even a week before I can pull myself back on track. The same goes for fast food. I watched everyone else eat ice cream cake and drink pop at a birthday party last night and I didn't even care. I didn't crave it, I wasn't sad, it was just there.

I am taking my scale down to the basement today where I will visit it only once a week, instead of every day. That way I won't see that I have lost a pound one day and decide that I can "afford" to eat a little more the next, thereby sabotaging myself.

Also, I don't want to HAVE to exercise in order to lose weight because I know that is not something that I can always be consistent with. I love to run, I love to walk, but sometimes circumstances--from my recurring injury to whining children--make doing those things very difficult. I want to exercise to get fit and to feel good, but not to lose weight. I've committed to changing my diet so that I can lose without needing the extra "Points" that working out affords.

Lastly, I want to make a point of celebrating what I AM doing well, instead of beating myself up for what I screwed up on. I don't spend enough time congratulating myself for beating my pop addiction and for successfully avoiding the drive-thru (which also means I'm saving lots of money!).

And now I'm off the back yard for some quality "me" time--something else I've been doing consistently for myself!

Wednesday Check-In

I've lost track of how much weight I've lost since my last Wednesday Check-In, since I haven't done it for a few weeks. I just know that I'm down a total of 38.5, with 42.5 to go.

Things have been slow in the weight loss department, but at least I haven't been gaining. In fact, I even managed to lose about .5 pound on our trip last week, which I'm particularly proud of since over our Memorial Day vacation, I gained 6 pounds in just 4 days.

The key for me on our trip was to be totally anal about my food and the kids'. I even went so far as to UPS a small box of our dry goods ahead since I knew they were things that we wouldn't be able to find easily once we got there. I had to be persistent with our hosts upon our arrival to make sure we got to Trader Joe's THAT DAY to get the milk, eggs, and produce that we needed for the week. I'm sure my relatives thought I was really obnoxious, but I was SO GLAD I was assertive (unusual for me) because it turns out that they have terrible eating habits--like not eating breakfast, eating a late lunch, and not getting around to dinner until hours after my kids are in bed--that would've had the kids and I starving, crabby, and grabbing anything and everything in sight.

I also had the foresight to bring our soft-sided cooler and cold packs, which we couldn't have survived without. I always had a baggie full of protein powder with me and my "shaker thing" so I never got myself into a bind. I only ate sugar on the last day and it was only a small amount and was with my protein shake.

I feel AWESOME about how and what the kids and I ate on our trip!

This week I am trying out what my husband has been pressing me to try for weeks. He lost 20 pounds in a blink of an eye (at least it seems that way) and is now down to a weight lower than he was when we met. He has been eating six "mini meals" (which is all the rage now, I know...), and that has worked great for him.

I was resisting because I hate food prep and being in the kitchen and I figured I would have to be in there TWICE as much with six meals, but then I realized that it was LUNCH that has been a major stumbling block for me. LUNCH is always where I hit the drive-thru. I hate eating LUNCH at home. I hate soup, salad, and sandwiches, which are typical LUNCH foods... so it occurred to me if I was doing six mini meals, there would be no actual LUNCH to eat! I can just have an apple, some almonds, and some cheese and be done with it (no real prep work!); or a turkey and cheese roll-up and some fruit; or a protein shake and some spelt pretzels and fruit. It's only been a few days, but DAMN has it been freeing for me so far!!

We'll see how it goes. I love that I feel like I'm always eating so I'm not ever worrying that I'm not getting Enough (another huge issue for me...).

To be continued...

My Glass

I have been feeling very down on myself for the last few days.

Instead of concentrating on the many things that I have been doing really well, I have been focusing on the one thing that I have not been doing well (granted, it is one REALLY BIG THING as far as my weight loss goes...).

Tonight I've been trying to work myself out of my Glass Half Empty mode and think through all the HUGE things that I've changed that have stuck and made a huge difference in the quality of my life.

So tonight my glass is half FULL:

I have not had pop for MONTHS--I used to have 3-5 a day.

I RARELY have big sugar binges--I used to have them every day.

I rarely eat sugar at all--I used to eat MOSTLY sugar and little else.

I used to eat fast food every day (sometimes more than once)--I have cut down to anywhere from zero to 3-4 times a week (this is my One Big Thing).

I spend a lot of time at home--I used to hate being at home at all.

The kids and I walk to a park almost every day--I RARELY did that before, even when Snacks would beg.

I go to Target only once a month--we used to go almost every day.

I spend significantly less money since we are not going to Target and running around all the time (and I'm not buying all that pop and sugar).

I have been baking and even EXPERIMENTING (previously unheard of for me) with recipes.

I have turned my evenings into a relaxing time for ME to do whatever I feel like doing, instead of racing around trying to get my To Do List done (and things are still getting done!).

The house is clean and organized, the beds are made daily, the toilet is scrubbed, the refrigerator is stocked, and the lawn is mowed every week.

The laundry is always folded and put away.

The bills are paid and the checking account is "in the black."

I have read several books in the last couple of weeks--it used to take me MONTHS to read one.

I have spent an ENORMOUS amount of time writing.

I am doing things to "stretch" myself outside of my comfort zone to help further my writing career, even though those things make me feel scared and uncomfortable.

I am yelling at my kids about 75% less than I used to.

I can much more easily let Stupid Shit my husband says and does roll off my back.

I relax A LOT more.

I love my life.

Wednesday Check-In

I am down 1/2 pound this week.

I had much higher hopes, but I fell back into some bad habits this week.

For instance, we didn't eat any vegetables. Not any of us. Our vegetables sat and shriveled all week. In one week we went from eating tons of vegetables to no vegetables at all. We ate some fruit, but mostly we just drank smoothies and ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and hard-boiled eggs without the yokes. And since Sunday we've been eating the neighbor's strawberries--tons of them.

I kept not doing anything I didn't feel like to the best of my ability this week. Unfortunately, that included not eating vegetables and not journaling my food as well as I have been for weeks. So it wasn't surprising that I ate a bunch of sugar this afternoon, which I haven't done for 3-4 weeks, I think. I felt disoriented and "fuzzy" and my arms and hands and knees were shaky for hours afterward. It was a good reminder that I need to get back to journaling faithfully if I want to stay on track. And I really want to stay on track. When I'm not on track I eat McDonald's a lot and spend a lot of money that we don't have.

I'm back on track as of dinner tonight.

We were back to our regular schedule of swimming and gymnastics and nature center programs and playdates this last week. That was hard for me. I had become so at peace with staying home and walking to parks and hanging out in the yard all afternoon and not driving the car for days.

I need to figure out how to get a balance between doing nothing and doing lots of things so I can stop using the imbalance as a "reason" to go to the drive-thru, even when I've packed my lunch and brought it along. I'm not sure how to do that yet... I'll start with going back to committing to journal my food every day for every meal as it happens--instead of trying to remember everything at the end of the day.

I ran when I wanted to and finished a great book and did a lot of writing this week. All of those things felt really good. This week I'll do more of those things and fewer of the things that sabotage what I really want.

Wednesday Check-In

I am down two pounds this week.

Down 38 pounds; 43 pounds to goal.

I am feeling so much more at peace these days. There is so much less yelling and so much more sitting in the back yard enjoying the weather. We are driving very little and spending a lot less money. I am no longer stressed out and preoccupied with trying to figure out how to get my sugar fix(es) worked into each day.

This week I concentrated on just doing the things I wanted to do.

I wanted to journal my food because it helps me see where I got off track and where I felt bad so I don't have to (hopefully) make the same mistake next time.

I love to run so I ran when I felt like it because it felt good. No stopwatch, no intervals, no restrictions or goals; just me and my music (and no cell phone).

I wanted to "sleep in" (5:50 vs. 5:20, thanks to the kids) and do my mourning routine in a leisurely fashion; then stay home or walk to a park where the kids could play all morning.

I wanted to read or write in the evenings instead of racing around and checking things off my list of Things I Should Get Done, like my strength training DVD and yoga and laundry. I stayed up late reading or writing because I wanted to and didn't feel anxious or guilty about it.

I changed some things up this week that weren't working for me (besides doing what I felt like doing instead of my "shoulds"). I walked the dog separate from the kids every day, which is much more enjoyable for all of us, and he gets walked more consistently. I also changed my laundry pattern so that I am washing/drying at night and folding and putting away in the morning, instead of vice versa.

I finished a book this week that has totally turned my world upside down. Good Calories, Bad Calories, by Gary Taubes. I heard him speak on MPR several weeks ago and got the book from the library. Taubes is a science writer and what he had to say dovetailed beautifully with what I am already doing--both in nutrition and exercise. I loved the book, although it was a tough read since it is mostly discussion about research.

Life here is good.

Wednesday Check-In

I am down 1 pound this week.

Still 1/2 pound above where I was before I went north for Memorial Day weekend, but I'll take it. This week I was concentrating not on how much I was eating, but that I was sticking to my food plan and journaling so I could get back on track.

I've had an epiphany in the last week. I read somewhere (can't even remember where) a quote from a woman who had lost weight who said she decided not to do anything to lose weight that she couldn't see herself doing for the rest of her life. Um, duh! So common sense, yet something that has been a major stumbling block for me in the past 18+ months.

When I lost my initial 60 pounds in '06-'07, I realize now it was primarily because I was breastfeeding and baby-wearing. I never had to change my eating habits because I got a gazillion POINTS since I was nursing. I was running and gave that a lot of credit for my easy weight loss, but I'm running now and the weight has not been dropping like crazy like it was back then.

Obviously breastfeeding and baby-wearing were not things I was going to continue for the rest of my life and, sure enough, when Sissy wasn't nursing as her primary source of sustenance anymore, I started gaining that weight back right away.

I have been looking long and hard at the things I have been doing recently and asking myself if I can see myself doing them for the rest of my life. Counting POINTS and working out every day? Hell no. But I can see myself following my food plan--albeit not perfectly--for the rest of my life because it makes sense to me and for me, and it makes me feel a lot better physically and emotionally. I feel much more in control of my whole life, not just my food.

I've also been suffering from a little bit of burn-out on my usual routines, so I've been taking a look at what I have been Making Myself Do (or at least telling myself that I Should Do)--like yoga EVERY day, journaling, walking the dog and the kids at the same time--and trying to change things up; asking myself, If I could do whatever I want to right now, what would it be? And then trying to do it (keeping in mind that I'm home with two little kids 24/7, of course). I figure, I'm really fortunate, I get to be home and have total control over my own schedule, why the hell wouldn't I take advantage of that, instead of feeling guilty about it?

What an interesting journey...

Wednesday Check-In

I am up 1.5 pounds this week.

All I can say is, it could have been a lot worse.

I was doing great as of Friday morning when the kids and I left to go up north--even got my workout and a walk in before we left at 9:30 a.m.--but it was all downhill from there.

Pizza Friday night (more than I meant to have), dessert Saturday night, almost 1/4 pound of fudge Sunday afternoon, two hot dogs, chips, and THREE s'mores on Sunday night that I originally didn't plan to eat (which weren't worth it, believe me), and Monday was an all-out FREAKING DISASTER.

I ate a lot of things I didn't really want to eat in order to avoid making others feel bad (at least I perceived that they would feel bad), and to avoid having anyone think ill of me (as in, "Oh, she's doing that again," [insert eye roll here] etc., etc.). Sad, I know, but true.

I figure I have just a few weeks to get my shit together in this department because I'm taking the kids to Seattle for a week at the end of June and I don't want another repeat because, honestly, I have felt like HELL for the past two days after all the crap I ate over the weekend.

Wednesday Check-In

I am down 1.5 pounds this week.

I am 44.5 pounds from goal; 36.5 pounds below where I started.

My Habits for last week:

Each Day:

Weigh--100%
Read morning prayer--100%
3 daily pages + Gratitude Journal--40% (I want to get back to 100% with this because on the days I do it, I see a huge difference!)
Keep my FLYLady Routines--85%
Follow my Momentum Work-Out plan--100%
Do 15 minutes of Zone Cleaning --I was not inspired to do this at all this week. I got a lot of home projects done, but I just went with what I felt like doing instead of working in the assigned zone.
Yoga--70%
No pop--100%
Use my YLD food journal--100%
Read something for myself for at least 20 minutes/day--100%

I am growing weary of my list and, anyway, each Wednesday I remember that I've forgotten to check it over the past week. I am to the point that I know what works for me and keeps me feeling good and on track. I am not always 100% on those things, but I will continue to strive to be, cutting myself some slack every once in awhile when things come up, like emergency trips to Urgent Care and puking children.

I have been balking at doing my daily pages because I kept telling myself that nothing was coming out of them, until I made myself sit down and write three yesterday and realized that, in fact, much does reveal itself if I will sit down and focus for 15 minutes.

This week I have finally come to terms with the fact that I don't like having so much to do in the evenings after the kids go to bed. I don't want to take the time then to fold laundry; do things that I "should" be doing, instead of reading, or talking, or doing nothing. I'm working hard to try to get as much of my nighttime routine done before they go to bed so I have most of the evening to do whatever I feel like doing. This has been much easier since we are staying home so much more these days.

I had the amazing realization this week that I actually really do like being at home instead of running around all the time. In fact, I love it! I love getting work done in the morning when the kids are fresh and cooperative. I learned that Sissy will easily nap for 2+ hours in the morning if we are home. I just ask her if she wants to lie down on her "pretty bed" and I lay her down and she just goes to sleep--holy shit!

Since we're home, I've been giving the kids Trader Joe's organic yogurt and whole grain crackers and fruit for lunch instead of drive-thru food or Costco pizza, and now I don't feel guilty every single day about what they've been eating.

In the afternoons, if it's nice, we've been hanging out in the back yard and I can read or journal while the kids "garden" and play...for hours. "Awesome" doesn't even begin to describe the feeling.

Following my food plan has been so easy and has changed my life so much already, in just a few short weeks. I'm not in constant panic about how to get my fix, or feeling so restless, compulsive, and unsettled--although I expected to feel a lot more patient than I do, but I think that will come with time...and practice.

Wednesday Check-In

I was pretty checked out this past week but, miraculously, I still had a loss.

I am down one pound this week.

I am 46 pounds from goal; 35 pounds below where I started.

My Habits for last week:

Every Day

Weigh--100%
Read morning prayer--100%
3 daily pages + Gratitude Journal--I think I did this twice all week
Use my FLYLady Control Journal--solid
Follow my Momentum Work-Out plan--missed two work-outs
Do Kelly's Missions--I did check these, but already had them done; need to change this up
Do Weekly Pamper Mission--Nope!
Yoga--75%
No pop--100% (woo hoo!!)
If I want to eat sugar, I'll first drink glass of water and write three pages about why I want to eat it, how I will feel, and what the effects will be afterward--I gave myself "permission" to eat dessert w/out doing this on Friday night since it was a special occasion, which led to a binge on Saturday...
Read something for myself for at least 20 minutes/day--I totally spaced that this was on my list, but I think I actually did it!
Don't go to Target (except on Mondays)--stuck to it!

I was out of my normal routine this weekend, which gave me an excuse to skip a couple of workouts and not stick to my plan. Truthfully, I would've been totally fine without the dessert late Friday night. I wasn't even craving it, but I ordered it compulsively. Saturday someone left a batch of chocolate chip cookies at my house and since I was already off, I ate most of them and then agreed to go out for a lunch that I didn't even want.

The good news: This time the difference is that I was able to get back on plan in less than 24 hours. That is huge for me. One binge in the past has usually gotten me off track for weeks or even many months. It was awesome to have a structure that is working for me--both with work-outs and food--that was easy to get back to.

I'm going to clean up and fine tune my list of habits for this week:

Each Day:

Weigh
Read morning prayer
3 daily pages + Gratitude Journal
Keep my FLYLady Routines
Follow my Momentum Work-Out plan
Do 15 minutes of Zone Cleaning
Yoga
No pop
Use my YLD food journal
Read something for myself for at least 20 minutes/day

Wednesday Check-In

This was a great week for me.

I am down six pounds this week.

I am 47 pounds from goal; 34 pounds below where I started.

My Habits for last week:

Every Day

Weigh--100%
Read morning prayer--100%
3 daily pages + Gratitude Journal--missed a couple of days
Use my FLYLady Control Journal--solid
Follow my Momentum Work-Out plan--100%
Do Kelly's Missions--oops, forgot about these the last few days...
Do Weekly Pamper Mission--Did it!
Yoga--90%
No pop--100% (woo hoo!!)
If I want to eat sugar, I'll first drink glass of water and write three pages about why I want to eat it, how I will feel, and what the effects will be afterward--Didn't eat any sugar the whole week!
Target only on Monday--I actually stuck to this!!

Interestingly, not going to Target was harder than not eating sugar, but both saved us a lot of money. I've been faithfully using a food journal this week to help me track my protein, change "whites to browns", and avoid sugar. I realized that I was only eating 1/2 the protein I needed for breakfast to keep me from freaking out by lunch, which is when my bingeing always started.

It's been a challenge trying to make sure I get enough protein with each meal, especially when we were eating on the go, but it's been SO WORTH IT. I haven't missed the sugar at all or felt deprived, even when I had to watch Snacks eat birthday cake with lots of frosting on Monday night.

I've also noticed that a) I haven't yelled at Snacks nearly as much this past week (and, no, it's not that his behavior has improved any), and b) while I've been working on a really stressful project this week, I have still been able to stay steady with my food. Normally under such circumstances I would have been eating crappier and bingeing more than usual to help me "manage" the stress. Instead, I've really enjoyed the project, even though it has pulled me out of my comfort zone BIG TIME.

Something else I noticed that's worth documenting for my future self is that I was much more relaxed over the weekend when we didn't have any plans. Normally that's a recipe for disaster for me and would mean J and I would be fighting the whole weekend, but this past weekend, while sugar-free, I realized what one of the major reasons is for that whole dynamic. I suddenly became aware that so much of my anxiety on the weekends was about figuring out how I was going to get my "fix" when J was home and aware of what I was doing. If we didn't have plans that either incorporated sugar, or that would allow me to sneak out and get sugar, I would totally freak out and become obsessed with figuring out how I was going to get it. Wow.

This week I will keep the same list of habits from last week, with the exception that I need to go to Target one additional time to get Snacks a pair of gym shorts (he needs them before Monday).

My new habit for this week is to read something for myself for at least 20 minutes each day, no matter how busy I am.

Wednesday Check-In

I have already broken the news to Jen that in the weight loss department, I sucked big-time this week.

I am up four pounds this week.

Yes, you heard me right. FOUR FREAKING POUNDS. I am attributing some of this to Aunt Martha (just to be nice to myself), and Jen is attributing some of it to my strength training (just to be nice to me), but the truth is, I was on a major binge bender this week. Worse than usual, I'm afraid, because several days my bingeing went into the evenings, when it's usually limited to afternoons.

The good news is that I must, at least, be losing inches because my husband said to me this morning, "Wow, you must really be losing weight!" (and we all know HE wouldn't say that just to be nice to me).

My Habits for last week:

Every Day

Weigh--100%
Read morning prayer--98%
3 daily pages + Gratitude Journal--missed several days
Use my FLYLady Control Journal--solid
Follow my Momentum Work-Out plan--100%
Do Kelly's Missions--solid
Do Weekly Pamper Mission--I learned this week that if the Pamper Mission requires assistance, PAY SOMEONE because I can't rely on my husband to follow through (it was a massage this week)
Yoga--80%
No pop--100% (woo hoo!!)
No chocolate--fell off the wagon with this one
No frosting--one day slip-up
No Target--went once, which is better than SEVEN TIMES (I caved in to Snacks' begging)

This week I'll keep working toward 100% on what I've already put together, except I will take out no chocolate and no frosting and replace it with the following:

When I feel compelled to eat sugar, I will first drink a glass of water and write three pages (I will carry a notebook in my bag) about why I want to eat it, and how I will feel and what the effects will be afterward.

I will also limit Target to MONDAYS, which will give me more leverage with the other Target addict in our home.

I am also journaling my food, which I will continue.

Despite my gain this week, I am feeling really solid about my fitness--I had a kick-ass 5K run last weekend and knocked 6 minutes off my time from a February run. I feel strong and in control in that department. Now I just need to find the same sense of control I am feeling with my workouts and with my routines, with my FOOD. I think I can get there this week.

Wednesday Check-in

Since we've both decided that counting Weight Watchers POINTS sucks for all eternity, Jen and I check in every Wednesday to help hold each other accountable for reversing the effects of what Jen has come to call The Expansion Project.

I've decided to start posting my check-ins so I have a record for myself of what has worked and what hasn't. I came across an old journal page of mine several weeks ago that made it clear to me that I do not have good recollection in this respect. I thought I was Doing So Well at this time last year and was beating myself up for Falling Off the Wagon at one particular point, but in reading this particular entry, I came to the amazing realization that I had been struggling at that time too. Only that time I had been able to right myself. I wish I had documented that so I knew how I did it back then.

This week I am down 1 pound.

As I look back over the past month or so I realize that I have pretty much just been maintaining--losing and gaining the same pound. Good in the sense that I haven't continued to gain back the weight I lost in '06-'07, but not the direction I want to be headed either.

I have spent the last several weeks rebuilding the solid foundation of habits that I had when I was successful in losing my initial 60, so even though I've just been maintaining, I feel so good about getting myself back to a stable position.

FLYLady has been key to my success, as has finding, through FLYLady, a fitness program that I LOVE and can see myself sticking to long-term. My house looks great, the kids and I are dressed, fed, and ready to go by 7:00 a.m., because I have been getting up at 5:20 a.m. to get a shower and breakfast BY MYSELF, which has been HUGE for me. We are also getting in our regular long walks with the dog.

I still have a long way to go, but I'm feeling really strong in the changes I've made in the past few weeks.

The current working list of habits that I'm strengthening is this:

Every Day

Weigh
Read morning prayer
3 daily pages + Gratitude Journal
Use my FLYLady Control Journal
Follow my Momentum Work-Out plan
Do Kelly's Missions
Do Weekly Pamper Mission
Yoga
No pop
No chocolate

This week I am going to add the habit of No Frosting, because I've been bingeing on frosted stuff every day this past week, and I feel like that's something I'm ready to give up this week. It doesn't feel scary to me, even though we have a birthday party to attend on Saturday.

What does feel a little scary to me is saying I will not go to Target for one week*--but I'm going to commit to it. We've been going almost every day which is bad for a whole lot of reasons.

Congrats to Jen on her loss this week!


*Snacks is lying on the floor right now having a fit about this already.