I am up several pounds since my last check-in two weeks ago. I'm bummed, but I'm not freaking out. I've mostly been maintaining for the past several months--losing and gaining the same few pounds. While I wish I were dropping pounds, I'm grateful that I haven't been watching the numbers continue to climb. I feel pretty good that I have been able to easily maintain a weight loss of almost 40 pounds for almost two years.
I've been doing some "soul searching" in the weight loss department these past few weeks. I've wondered if I would just be happy maintaining this weight, and I've decided that, no, I won't be happy long-term this way.
Even though I can wear clothes in a size that doesn't horrify me from regular stores like Gap, or Ralph Lauren, or whatever, I would like to feel more comfortable in pants and wear skirts and sun dresses without looking like I am wearing a tent. I want to feel pretty and flirty and not always be tugging at the front of my t-shirt to make sure I feel covered in all the important places.
I recently realized that my expectations of myself were unrealistic and that I have been setting myself up for failure. Because I was losing 3-5 pounds a week while eating McDonalds and drinking pop when I was running and nursing, I wanted to keep that up, even after Sissy stopped nursing and I was unable to run because of an injury. I was frustrated with myself because I wasn't losing at that rate, even though I know it's not healthy to lose weight that fast on a consistent basis, and that I would be less likely to keep it off if I was successful at that rate.
SO, my new goal is to lose ONE pound per week for the next year, which will get me to my goal weight by July 23rd of 2009.
I will do this by continuing to strive for healthier eating, as I have been for the past several months.
Right now "mini meals" are working wonders for me psychologically to keep me away from the drive-thru. It has been almost a month since I've had McDonald's or other fast food. I don't miss it or my pop at all.
I've discovered that if I eat a sugary treat, it will likely not be limited to just that one. It will likely lead to sugar bingeing that lasts days or even a week before I can pull myself back on track. The same goes for fast food. I watched everyone else eat ice cream cake and drink pop at a birthday party last night and I didn't even care. I didn't crave it, I wasn't sad, it was just there.
I am taking my scale down to the basement today where I will visit it only once a week, instead of every day. That way I won't see that I have lost a pound one day and decide that I can "afford" to eat a little more the next, thereby sabotaging myself.
Also, I don't want to HAVE to exercise in order to lose weight because I know that is not something that I can always be consistent with. I love to run, I love to walk, but sometimes circumstances--from my recurring injury to whining children--make doing those things very difficult. I want to exercise to get fit and to feel good, but not to lose weight. I've committed to changing my diet so that I can lose without needing the extra "Points" that working out affords.
Lastly, I want to make a point of celebrating what I AM doing well, instead of beating myself up for what I screwed up on. I don't spend enough time congratulating myself for beating my pop addiction and for successfully avoiding the drive-thru (which also means I'm saving lots of money!).
And now I'm off the back yard for some quality "me" time--something else I've been doing consistently for myself!
