History of Us

Today I framed the first of our wedding photos. John and I have been married for almost 9 years.

I heard a speaker on public radio this afternoon talk about how people get stronger during times of adversity. Though I have heard it many times, this is the first time that I truly understood it...and believed it.

I believe it's true that this economic "downturn" is making me stronger. I believe it is making my marriage stronger, our family stronger...and it is absolutely making us stronger parents.

John and I can see clearly now the mistakes that we've made over the past decade. We wish we had done many things differently so that money might not be as tight, and our future not so precarious.

We regularly reminisce about how things were when we grew up--so different, we've thought, than how our children are now growing up.

John remembers that his parents always had more than enough money; always had nice things--including a big, fancy house in a swanky part of town...and a sailboat, even though his mother stayed home with the kids. These memories often trouble him because he feels his children don't have what he did at their age. This is a topic of frequent discussion between us.

It wasn't until last week when John shared some of our economic frustrations with his mother that he got a glimpse of how it really was when he was growing up. For example, she told him that she would count the days on the calendar until his dad got paid so she could go to the grocery store.

And thus, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

This is precisely the reason that I maintain this blog: To chronicle how it really was for my children to look back on. As they grow up I want them remember all the things we have done together, how much they are enjoyed and loved, and all the things we are working so hard to teach them.

And, selfishly, I want them to know me like I have never known my own mother.

And so the wedding photos framed today are a part of working to surround my kids with more proof of their real history...

Visual complements to my written words.

Historically, Friday has been the day that Sissy and I go pick up the groceries.

Today I was reflecting on how much "grocery shopping" has changed in the past year. It used to be that we would run to Whole Foods, get everything on the list, and return home. Period. End of story.

Now, things look quite different.

Where we once easily tootled up and down a few aisles grabbing "organic" boxes of macaroni and cheese, bags of salad, quarts of yogurt, and then were done with it, we now find ourselves participating in much more elaborate food-gathering endeavors.

We wait in line in alleys and parking lots to meet farmers who deliver milk, meat, and veggies fresh from their farms. We pop into a warehouse at the back of a junk yard lot to pick up goods shared by other "Trad Foodies". We join casual buying clubs with people we only know through a local email list (which always involves driving across town to pick something up from some stranger's home). We dig dirt, haul water, and pull weeds in order to grow much of our own food.

And while it seems like the acquisition of food has gotten much more difficult the way we do things now, in many ways, this kind of living actually makes everything so much simpler.

And we can't imagine doing it any other way.

Yesterday I had the loveliest birthday in recent recollection. The kids (read: John) made me breakfast in bed. I got to lounge around for a while (which never happens), and then was presented with my birthday present made by Snacks--two "flowers" in a "vase"--plus the birthday cards that the kids made which I will save forever.

I walked around Lake Harriet with Kari and along the way enjoyed some pink frosted cupcakes from YUM! (which she carried in a fancy box most of the way around the lake) as my official birthday cake.

John took the kids to the pool so I got to spend the entire afternoon by myself sitting in my favorite place--the patio under the umbrella with the dog at my feet--where I pored over all my notebooks from the past year and took a fascinating trip down memory lane.

Then I wrote up my personal goals for my 39th year:

1. Fit into a pair of size 8 jeans.

2. Focus more on ME (in fact, my new mantra for this year is, "Appreciate yourself and honor your soul,"--yep, I got that off of a tea bag...).

3. EMBRACE my role as a stay-at-home mom and recognize that, though I contribute minimally to our bank account, I HAVE VALUE.

4. Learn to live comfortably within our means--whatever they are.

5. Put 100% effort into my marriage.

After my fabulous and relaxing afternoon alone, John and I walked to my current fave restaurant--Craftsman--had a delicious and leisurely local/sustainable candlelit meal (complete with TWO fancy drinks and dessert!) and enjoyed a nice stroll home.

Happy Birthday to me!

39 Things I'm Grateful for on My 39th Birthday

(...in no particular order).

1. My life (in general)

2. My health

3. My husband and two sweet, beautiful, healthy children

4. My dog (and the sweet memories of my others)

5. Our cozy, beautiful home

6. I still have my parents and my kids still have all their grandparents

7. My family is safe and we are together

8. I get to tuck my kids in every night and kiss and hug them every morning

9. John has a job and we have health insurance

10. We can afford to have me stay home with the kids

11. We can afford good, healthy, quality food

12. I have learned how to cook

13. Our cars are paid for

14. We have cardinals, blue jays, and hummingbirds in our yard

15. We have great neighbors

16. We know wonderful farmers who carefully and lovingly produce our food

17. We got a garden spot at Dowling (and now there's a waiting list 150 names long)

18. I have great friends

19. I have lots and lots and lots of wonderful memories from the last 39 years

20. My kids are strong and curious and thoughtful and bright

21. I am surrounded by many beautiful and meaningful things

22. I have the gift of optimism

23. I am strong and resourceful

24. I have a lot of experience and many, many skills

25. I love to learn

26. I love to mentor

27. I am surrounded by grass and flowers and trees and gardens

28. I can hear crickets through the open window

29. I have a special spot in the yard where I love to sit and read

30. I get at least a little time for me almost every day

31. I can find support when I need it

32. I am surrounded by books that I love

33. We live just a few short blocks from the river

34. We have comfortable beds to sleep in every night

35. When I lie in bed and look out the window all I can see are trees and sky

36. I found the courage to cut most of my hair off and I love it

37. I have options and am free to make my own choices

38. I have the job I've always wanted--being a stay-at-home mom

39. I will likely have at LEAST another 39 years (and hopefully many more) to have wonderful experiences, meaningful relationships, and many more precious memories

John is leaving at 5 a.m. tomorrow to go fishing all day with friends. He is sleeping downstairs tonight in hopes of not waking the kids so early (6 a.m. is early enough!).

I am looking forward to a leisurely Saturday morning with the kids. They'll be up early, as usual, but it will be nice to get out of bed when we feel like it, instead of because we have to in order to make it to school on time.

I can enjoy my tea and make zucchini muffins while they jump on the bed. We can get dressed when we feel like it.

I can't wait.

Sissy and I had a lovely impromptu "Ladies Lunch" today. After shoe shopping, we decided to stop for a bite--a rare treat these days.

We were in the mood for a little splurge and even split cheesecake for dessert. And, in honor of the occasion, I even indulged her when she asked for a tiny dab of my lip gloss. She was very proud of her sparkly lips.

I am so acutely aware that this is the last school year my youngest will be home full-time with me...

I want to be sure to make the most of it.

It has been one year since I started teaching myself how to cook. Somehow, I left the nest without that skill and managed to happily subsist on Aunt Jemima pancakes, tortillas with cheese, frozen pizza, and microwave burritos for many, many years.

But last year, the likes of Gary Taubes, Michael Pollan, Barbara Kingsolver, and Sally Fallon changed my life forever, and I went from having to look up the "recipe" for hard-boiling eggs to sauteing chard and beet greens in bacon grease with onion and hot chili flakes in a cast iron pan.

Last year I believed that feeding my children anything labelled "organic"--from mac & cheese to boxed cereal--was doing the best for them. In the past year, I have taught myself to make ratatouille, yogurt, pizza, sourdough bread, and even breakfast cereal. I have tried new recipe after new recipe, even learning to improvise and make up my own.

I taught myself to cook by watching PBS cooking shows while Sissy napped and Snacks was in school, by watching and listening to my friend (and chef extraordinaire) Kristie, and by reading Sandor Katz, Mark Bittman, and Alice Waters. I've come from asking John to cut up an onion for me to being able to give Rachael Ray a run for her money on a fine dice. I made little post-it notes for my refrigerator that show me how big a 1/4" dice or 3/8" slice should be. I unplugged my microwave and took it to the basement.

Sometimes I get really overwhelmed, and sometimes we just throw in the towel and order an "Emergency Pizza", but I'm proud of how far I've come, and I can't wait to see where I go from here.

Today was essentially the last day of summer since school starts tomorrow. Snacks will be in first grade. I can't believe I'm a grown-up and that I have a first-grader. I remember my own first grade teacher, Mrs. Slowe, well. I loved her so and even accidentally called her "Mom" once, which I was terribly embarrassed about at the time.

It was a wonderful, memorable summer. Perfect weather, plenty of fun activities, and many, many teachable moments ranging from where our food comes from to how the economy at large affects our small family unit--big lessons for all of us these past few months.

We said good-bye to Red Fin and welcomed Sapphire and Apple into our home, and we have been given the precious gift of more time with Sebastien.

Snacks learned to jump off the diving board at Grandma Ruth's, and falling off the tube behind Grampy's boat (and, to his surprise, surviving!) gave Snacks a huge boost of confidence that gets me all "misty" with pride. The little guy who had been afraid of getting his face and hair wet (and whom we had to sponge bathe for 8 months when he was a baby because he would have nothing to do with the tub) has turned into a Real Kid with new big front teeth who tells me over and over how deep under water he went and that he has big plans to dive head-first off the diving board soon.

Sissy has truly turned into a Big Girl--she no longer looks like our little baby, and has really developed an attitude--and style--all her own. This was the summer that we sat down on the floor of her room and went through every single item of her clothing one-by-one and got rid of each item she refused to wear--even the ones I was really sad about giving away. And she conned the unsuspecting Maria into buying her sparkly purple flip-flops two sizes too big when she knew my rule was no flip-flops without back straps at her age!

I'm a little sad that summer's over, but I'm looking forward to my favorite season and the break I'll soon get from the garden and the overwhelming amounts of weeding, watering, and fresh produce (we're up to 33 pounds of tomatoes so far!)--though I know I'll miss it all all too soon.

So here's to you Perfect Summer! Catch ya again next year...

There is so much I want to write about; to keep track of both for myself and for the kids. I want to remember that the weather this summer couldn't have been more perfect--sunny, low 70's and breezy most of the time--and that the parsley petered out by the beginning of August so next year I need to be sure to harvest and preserve tons in June and July and not give most of it away because I don't know what to do with it all. And I want my kids to know, someday, that I tried the best I could to make all the "right" parenting decisions a hundred times a day but, the truth is, I really have no idea what I'm doing...and neither will they when it's their turn.

But there never seems to be enough time in the day and writing is something that I am still considering a guilty indulgence...not a waste of time, but something that I get to do only when everything else is done...which is, of course, never.

I've grown tired of following John around and reminding him that the bowl of cereal he's eating with cinnamon, raisins, and milk has put him way over his food budget for the day. It's no longer interesting or exciting to calculate the cost of each muffin or piece of pizza. I don't care if I ever eat rice and beans again as long as I live.

I've decided to go back to living off the Fresh Air Fund that Jen once told me about when all we had to live on for 18 months was John's unemployment and a whole lot of faith. It worked back then and I'm going to trust that it will work now.

I have mixed feelings about summer coming to an end. On the one hand, I felt some relief when I realized today that the basil is past harvesting so I don't have to fret about keeping up with it and all of the other fresh produce that has been coming into my kitchen and overwhelming me. On the other, I'll miss being able to go out to the back yard to pick my own fresh food.

And I'll miss walking with the kids down to Dowling to water, pick tomatoes, look for raspberries and worms, and listen to Sissy yell, "Ladies and Gentlemen!" into her onion stalk microphone.

But fall is my very favorite season and there is so much to look forward to--brightly colored leaves, sharing Snacks' excitement at going into first grade, Sissy's very first ballet class, crisp air, cold rain, my birthday, apple picking, fall baking, and Halloween.

My hope is the colder it gets, the more time I'll find to write.